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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050779">I'm With Stupid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redamber79/pseuds/Redamber79'>Redamber79</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Pick-Up Lines, Cas is back from the Empty, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Dean Lived, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Interrupting Sam Winchester, M/M, Post-Canon, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:48:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redamber79/pseuds/Redamber79</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Jack had rescued Cas from the Empty and Dean had narrowly escaped being skewered by a fucking vampire mime, of all things, Dean cornered Cas in the laundry room. Cas was mouth-wateringly dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a plaid overshirt, doing his laundry. When he had turned to face him, Dean had let his eyes trail over the former angel’s denim clad thighs (he did not whimper, thank you very much!) and blurted out the lamest pickup line he could think of.</p>
<p>“That your angel blade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>311</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm With Stupid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to Banshee for beta-ing, as always, even if I did make you cringe with this one. ;)</p>
<p>Thanks to the lovely peoples in writer-cafe for your help with the pickup lines, that was hilarious!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean was going out of his mind. Cas had died to save him. He’d confessed his love, then died. And now he was back, saved from the Empty by Jack, who had replaced Chuck as God. Dean was trying to figure out how to tell Cas how he felt, but everything he said came out garbled, as usual. Years ago, he’d wanted to tell Cas he loved him, he said 'I need you' instead. He’d tried telling him he wanted him to be family, then he chickened out and called him a </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother </span>
  </em>
  <span>of all things. He'd been about to confess via prayer in Purgatory, but Cas had interrupted him! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shortly after Jack had rescued Cas from the Empty and Dean had narrowly escaped being skewered by a fucking vampire mime, of all things, Dean cornered Cas in the laundry room. Cas was mouth-wateringly dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a plaid overshirt, doing his laundry. When he had turned to face him, Dean had let his eyes trail over the former angel’s denim clad thighs (he did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> whimper, thank you very much!) and blurted out the lamest pickup line he could think of.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That your angel blade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas glanced down and then back at Dean, a perplexed expression crossing his face as his head tilted to the side. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s my penis, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nearly swallowed his tongue, his face burning as he blushed. “No, I know that, I meant… I mean… you know what, nevermind.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few days later Dean was in the kitchen when Cas stumbled in from his bedroom, clearly desperate for a cup of coffee.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You want sugar in that?” he asked, knowing Cas never put more than cream in his coffee.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess you’re sweet enough,” Dean said with a flirtatious wink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that an issue with my blood sugar now that I’m human? I haven’t felt the urge to urinate more than usual…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s smile faded and he rubbed a hand over his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just an expression, sunshine,” he sighed, grabbing his mug and heading for his room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So it went, every attempt he made at telling Cas how he felt backfiring spectacularly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I know these are your jeans, Dean. If you want them back you just had to say so.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I’m unemployed, Dean. There’s no Gas-N-Sip in Lebanon, and I don’t have any other experience.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m studying to be a historian, know where I can find a date?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a full metaphysical library in the bunker, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, it was excruciating, my wings burned.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Oops. That one might have been a mistake.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you know what my shirt is made of? It’s made of boyfriend material."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, I’ve done the laundry, and I’m certain the tag said cotton.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you been covered in bees recently? I just assumed, because you look sweeter than honey.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, last time was when I’d taken Sam’s memories of hell.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was going </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of his mind. Finally, out of desperation, he ordered a t-shirt. Pulling it on, he grinned at his reflection, firing himself a pair of finger guns and heading out of his room to find Cas. Sam took one look at him and rolled his eyes, having witnessed more than a few of the aborted attempts at flirting with the former angel.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Cas, can I talk to you about something?” Dean asked, making sure he was facing Cas squarely.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it’s something we’ve talked about before, but I’ve changed my mind. I want you to do something stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’ brow furrowed, and he turned to look at Dean. His glance dropped to Dean’s chest and his head tilted to one side.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, you’re wearing a t-shirt that says “Stupid”...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m aware, Cas.” He stepped closer, and daringly slid a hand around Cas’ waist, pulling him flush against his body. “I want you to do something stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’ tanned complexion was no match for the blush that rose to pink his cheeks, and Dean bent slowly, slowly towards him, giving him plenty of time to pull away. Their mouths brushed, and Dean tilted his head just so, slotting their lips together more firmly. A needy, desperate whine filled the room, and Dean wasn’t certain if it came from himself or Cas.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those large, incredible hands, hands that had both hurt and healed him over the years, came up to cup Dean’s face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just as the kiss deepened, there was a cough from the doorway as Sam entered, looking down at his tablet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So guys, get this…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They broke apart, and for a moment all Dean could see was Cas’ brilliantly blue eyes, all he could hear was the pounding of his own heart. Sam glanced up, looking between them, a knowing smirk curving his lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve got a case.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A week later, bruised but triumphant, the trio returned to the bunker, Sam leaving immediately to visit Eileen. He pulled Cas aside before he left, murmuring something that Dean didn’t catch but that made Cas grin widely, which immediately made Dean suspicious.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Left alone with Cas, Dean suddenly felt tongue-tied. Grabbing his duffle, he fled down the hall and started the laundry that had accumulated, scrubbing at blood stains and mud before throwing everything into the washer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A low cough sounded at the door and he turned to see Cas dressed in cotton lounge pants and a t-shirt, his arms loaded with clothing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I see we had the same idea. Mind if I throw my things in?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Be my guest.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas added his clothes to the machine then turned to face Dean, a slow smirk spreading across his face. Dean glanced down at his shirt and felt his cheeks burn. Spread taut over Cas’ broad chest were the words “I’m with Stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Screwing his courage, Dean stepped closer, smiling shyly as Cas casually wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him closer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That so, Cas?” he breathed, and Cas nodded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I had to do something,” Cas asserted. “If I’d had to listen to one more awful pickup line…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You shit…” Dean groaned, bending and capturing Cas’ lips in a teasing kiss that quickly turned passionate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean wasn’t sure how they made it from the laundry to his room, but by the time they arrived, they were both half-naked and panting. His chest collided with Cas’ as they surged together again, kissing desperately, their hands grasping and clawing for purchase. Shoving Cas over on his bed, Dean immediately fumbled for the drawstring and tugged off his pants, swearing as they tangled over his thick thighs. Cas sat up to help divest himself of the rest of his clothing as Dean sat on the edge of the bed to unlace his own boots. Kicking them across the room, they landed with a thunk against the wall; and then Dean was falling over on the bed as Cas pushed him onto his back. Those broad, clever hands soon stripped him of his jeans, leaving him in a pair of black boxer briefs. Cas straddled his waist and bent to lock their lips together, rutting against Dean as they kissed open-mouthed now. Dean slid his hands down Cas’ back to grope at his ass, and he couldn’t contain the giggle that escaped him. Cas pulled back slightly, looking at him in some concern, and Dean shook his head, trying to reach up to kiss him again. Cas pulled out of reach.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you laugh?” he asked, and Dean gave his lover a shit-eating grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your daddy a baker? ‘Cause you’ve got nice buns!” He added a tight squeeze of Cas’ perfect ass to the punchline, and Cas rolled his eyes heavenward, clearly praying for patience. Not that Jack was taking personal calls at the moment. Just as well. The kid might be God now, but he didn’t need to see this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t mention Chuck right now…” Cas murmured, pulling Dean up to meet his lips, thrusting his tongue between parted lips to conquer Dean’s mouth. Dean moaned at the onslaught, and Cas rolled his hips against Dean’s again and again. Dean played dirty, however, and rolled them easily, tugging off Cas’ hilariously neon orange boxer-briefs before stripping his own. Stretching out over his lover again, Dean reached down and wrapped a hand around them both, pulling a gasp from Cas’ lips as they rocked together. “Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That feel good, sweetheart?” Dean breathed, watching with a surge of pride as pleasure crossed Cas’ features, bringing a flush to his cheeks and making his eyes hazy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, that feels so good…” Cas groaned, his hand joining Dean’s, his palm rubbing over the heads of their cocks and smearing precome down the shafts. “Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was the swearing, but suddenly Dean’s lust was ratcheted up to ten and he bent to kiss Cas again as they moved together, resting his forehead against Cas’ as they broke apart to breath, still rocking together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, Cas…” Dean moaned, then whined as Cas’ free hand occupied itself by caressing and squeezing his ass. Cas used his inattention to roll them again, then crawled his way down Dean’s body, kissing every inch. When he was nestled comfortably between Dean’s legs and staring up the length of his body, a sly smile crossed his lips and he winked at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> “What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You should get Thanksgiving and Christmas tattooed on each cheek, so I always have something amazing to eat between the holidays.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even as Dean’s mind stuttered on the hilariously bad line, Cas buried his face against his hole, lapping and tonguing at it with great enthusiasm, making Dean’s toes curl in pleasure. Cas ate him out like he’d been doing it all his life, and Dean was soon begging and pleading with his lover. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, fuck, fuck! So good, fuck, fuck me!” he demanded, one hand fisted in Cas’ dark hair as he rocked his hips up, grinding against the mouth and stubbled jaw. His free hand fumbled for the bedside table, and he shoved Cas’ head away for a moment to worm higher on the bed. Grabbing the lube from the drawer with a triumphant </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Aha!”, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he tossed it down to Cas and made himself comfortable again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas immediately popped the cap on the lube and poured some over his fingers, rubbing them together to warm them. His eyes were dark as he stared up at Dean’s face, one brow raised in question. Dean felt his cock twitch under that dominant look, his legs falling apart of their own will. Cas bit his lip then, and with a reverent look on his face, traced his fingers down Dean’s sac and over his spit-slick hole. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, Cas…” he whimpered, and Cas smirked up at him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Since you asked so nicely…” he sassed, but before Dean could muster a response, a long, thick finger pressed into his depths, and Dean shouted out in ecstasy as Cas unerringly found his prostate. His cock began leaking profusely as Cas rubbed over it again and again, and eventually Dean had to wrap a hand around his cock to stop from coming.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, Cas, sweetheart… I wanna come on your cock,” he whined, and Cas bit gently at his inner thigh in response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You will,” Cas promised darkly, slowly pushing a second finger past Dean’s rim, this time avoiding his prostate completely, just reapplying lube and shoving it into Dean’s ass. Dean whined again, writhing on the memory foam as Cas took his time prepping him. “Then you can fuck me next time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s cock dripped more precome, and Dean reached down to stroke himself leisurely, hissing at the excruciating pleasure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Cas asked, his voice gone lower than usual, husky with want.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And then some, sweetheart,” Dean assured him, reaching down and pulling Cas up into his arms. As Cas crawled over him, he was granted the delicious view of Cas’ cock, red and weeping, framed by thick, muscular thighs. He groaned softly. “Fuck, Cas. Need you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas smiled, shaking his head ruefully. “So you’ve told me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stilled then and took Cas’ face in his hands. Reaching up to kiss him softly, he rested his forehead against Cas’ and breathed out slowly. He stayed like that for a long moment, until Cas started to pull back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean?” his lover asked in concern, and Dean tightened his grip slightly, pulling him in for another sweet, slow kiss.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, angel. I knew it the first time we were in purgatory. I was so afraid…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A brilliant smile stretched Cas’ lips, and he bent to kiss Dean even as his eyes overflowed with sudden tears. Kissing Dean again and again, Cas slid his hand into Dean’s hair, pulling him closer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Dean. I always have.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas…” Dean breathed, wrapping his arms around Cas’ shoulders and kissing him passionately. “Please… need you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve got me,” Cas murmured against his lips, then reached down and teased a finger over Dean’s hole one more time. Stroking a lube-slicked hand over his cock, he pressed the hot, spongy head against Dean’s rim, staring at Dean’s face all the while. He paused, one eyebrow raised in query.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nodded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bliss. Rapture. Fucking ecstasy. Dean’s mind supplied a hundred superlatives as Cas slowly rocked into him, and none came close to the reality. He clutched at Cas’ muscular back, keening out in mind-blowing pleasure as Cas sank into him to the root. Cas reached a hand up and without hesitation Dean linked their fingers together as they rocked together. Cas moved in a slow, sinuous, sinful wave over him, those thighs driving his hips tirelessly. All too soon though, Dean felt the heat in his core building in a tidal wave that threatened to pull him under, the ball of pleasure coiling hotter and tighter as his toes curled. One of his hands slid down to cup Cas’ ass, pulling him in just a little faster, just a little harder, and Cas took the hint. He pulled all the way out of Dean’s hole, bent to kiss him once more, then drove into him hard and fast, fucking Dean so hard he had to brace himself to keep from bumping into the headboard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’ hips pistoned as though he could go all night, his hand that wasn’t tangled with Dean’s tugging up Dean’s thigh and wrapping his leg around Cas’ waist. With that slight change in angle, it was the beginning of the end. Cas slid in and out of him, sweat dripping from the dark curls on his forehead down to splash on Dean’s chest, and Dean clutched at Cas, desperate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck, Cas, oh fuck, oh, God, fuckfuck</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean exclaimed, his body tightening, a supernova of heat and sweet pleasure overwhelming him. He clenched down on Cas’ cock as he came, and Cas grunted as his hips stuttered, driving into Dean no more than a half-dozen more times before he spilled over, filling Dean with his seed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They collapsed together in the aftermath, sacrificing one of Dean’s shirts to mop them clean. They burrowed under the covers, Dean’s head resting on Cas’ shoulder as they basked in contentment. Finally, Dean glanced up at Cas, and watched as a slow grin split his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Dean…” Cas began.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now that I’m human, I’m going to need a last name,” he continued.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose that’s true,” Dean replied.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I have yours?” Cas asked, and Dean guffawed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you just…” Cas cut him off with a kiss. Breathlessly, Dean nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Love Destiel?  Over 18? Join us on Discord's <a href="https://discord.gg/rUFErcY"> Profound Bond </a> server for like-minded chats, friendly people, and inspiration for reading and writing!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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